argh! fuck fuck fuck, what the hell? What’s happening? I think I’m going to be sick. I feel like I’m in a dream, but I know I’m not.

Huh. So he came. I guess curiosity will kill this cat – Zack.

She’s there. I was right. Hunch paid off. Cool, cool, cool………….. She’s still so beautiful.

Be calm. Don’t let it show. Why the hell did I look at the door? Oh god and now I’m rhyming, fucking perfect. Stop looking at him! Get a drink! – You have one. Oh right, well – *discreetly downs it in one*

Haha! She is so frazzled. This will be fun. Let the show begin. Good God she looks stunning in that dress. I should congratulate myself for making her wear it! This couldn’t have bene more perfect if I’d tried. Or I’d gotten those slow babies at Karma Kwadrant on call with this particular play.

I think I should leave. She’s downing her drink. I’m making her awkward. This isn’t.. I bet this wasn’t how she ever saw this happening. I don’t know what I thought would happen. Why didn’t I think? Gosh she’s not going to let me live it down. Should I go? Should I stay? Argh why can’t I think. Why is she still so fucking beautiful. Oh my fuck..

Don’t trip-don’t trip-don’t trip. You’re walking-you’re walking-you’re walking. WhatamIgonnasay? WhatamIgonnasay? FUCK!! ARGH! He’s so fucking argh. My, fuck no…my, … yep, that was me getting wet. Thank God I’m wearing this shitting long red dress. If only if wasn’t off shoulder. Is that called a Bardot? Wasn’t she an actress? Fuck I miss Google! Kids these days have no idea. Are there even any damn kids? *TANGEEENT* God I need to stop swearing. Please GOD, I need this to go right. I swear I’ll try harder with .. all that other stuff. Please I’ll help just keep the Komandants, Karmas, Zack, this ponces, the Torches and the Kollectives off my back. Pleeeeeeeease. Jus this one night. Please. Amen

…………

I think I’m going to cry. DON’T CRY!! Why did I come? I wish it was only us two.

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“Hello, and welcome to the annual Kollective Social” I sound like a perv! And soo out of breath. Like a stereotypical gay guy from a 70s sitcom. “Can I get you anything? We have a variety of organic sustenance liquids” He’s looking puzzled. I hope he doesn’t let cat out of the bag. But why am I being so awkward am I messing it up.

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“I never thought *you* would be the hostess for Komrade Zack” don’tcry-dontcry-dontcry …….she smells so good. I’m such a liar. she’s never going to let me live this down. if we live.  Was I too direct? If only..

—–

So I guess this is what bio-connective-love looks like. I’ll have to brief Christian when I get back to the lab on Moonsday. Let the experiment begin!

An unconventional story is a re-working of a plot I’ve had in my head for 2 1/2 years now. A look at a dystopian/utopian landscape within context of that prevailing, heralded and totally subject emotion – Love.
I’ve chosen to write semi-epistolary style, post-post-structuralist even, perhaps?? simply giving voice and agency to the conscious and subconscious experience.