#NaBloPoMo 20 Surrogate – Job Applications & Career Aspirations

So working back in retail has been a very rewarding and interesting experience. Being on the frontline of the new launch of the first ever Westfield development outside of London, in my very own hometown Bradford, West Yorkshire..  has been a once-in-a-lifetime experience amazing! Reflecting on best practice and application of skills within a busy environment codes of best practice are being drawn and re-drawn daily, as the flow of people and goods has yet to find a organisational bed to lay in, is so my ‘cup o’ tea’. As i keep implementing new strategies to increase productivity within my team and the click and collect service I am responsible for.

However I am also increasingly aware of how much further I am walking away from my ultimate career goal, which is to be a researcher in the media production and it’s effects on cultural and gendered norms, within our wider global society. Especially as one of the mid-millennial generation, who has just  left the bustling metropolitan centre that is London, where it seemed opportunities were endless and I had a great network around me. Though I guess I still have those networks and communities, I guess I am finding it a little more difficult that I realised fitting back into the conservative and sometimes a little too harsh North. I mean only recently I was faced with disparaging comments about my potential knowledge of Star Wars, because I was “An Asian Lass”; my sexual orientation and sexuality, oh and general knowledge of Gay/Trans .. like please get to know me, my interests and affiliations please before you judge me for my looks and your prejudiced stereotypical notions. Oh but don’t fret I was the picture of charm itself while facing these and many, many more silly comments.

Silly is a little harsh I know, but I think it’s the best English idiom, as I am again faced with the same circles of “truthisms” and segregated knowledge and power struggles I faced as I grew up in the North.

Little instances that deny me access to cultural products or historical references, are just everyday cases of otherings that deny my personal narrative. They set me apart and call into question my journey to become a citizen and an individual, who faces the same struggles and mental processes as everyone else. Though I must say that it is normally men of a certain background who tend to display these thoughts and actions, maybe it has more to do with patriarchy?

Oh well, I do love to rise to a challenge. Plus, I cannot claim to be part of the movement of “Equality for all” if I don’t work to change prejudices on an everyday micro-level. Above all and especially when I feel most despairing, I must rise with poise, professionally and perfectly formed intuitive retorts to stand my feminist ground.

Also, quick bit of good related news,  I have been spending hours, especially before and after work, study and gym applying for positions with educational environments. I know I have the passion, drive and enthusiasm for learning spaces and supporting fellow students of life, if only I could get an interview. *Fingers crossed and lots of prayers* please 🙂

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NaBloPoMo #16 – Why no #12- #14

So… I was a bad unproductive person. Online that is. For the last 4 nights.

There is no excuse big enough for dropping out, because as someone says “If something is important enough you make time for it!” . Therefore, I guess, using that logic I deemed me, my online persona/career-building and my writing less important than what was happing around me. This is in-excusable really.

So this is just a post to say “SHIT!” and “I’m sorry” – which is just my Englishness coming through, because in all honesty I’m not *that* sorry. But still, convention dictates I must say these two words a million times a day, not only because I am English, but because I’m British. I’m a woman. I’m a woman of colour. I’m working class. I have a confusing, inter-linked, inter-sectional identity that is hard to find out there in the world. So if I don’t say these words, I won’t be able to get any better. I won’t be able to learn from my mistakes. I will never learn to associate this shame for letting myself and others like me down and this shame to something greater. So that should I ever stop or think I am going to fail in the tasks I set myself, I am then reminded of this frankly annoying and unproductive bit of writing that I MUST do.

The reason I say must is because I have been reading more of Bickham’s “The 38 Most Common Fiction Writing Mistakes (And how to avoid them)” . In his book or published wisdom, he has set this task of simply writing a big sorry letter to oneself explaining why you failed in writing everyday / every week whatever time limit you have set yourself. Not only so you can identify common themes that may need to be addressed in your life, but also so that you learn that simply forgetting to write, or thinking you shouldn’t write due to lack of inspiration or whatever excuse we all fling up, doesn’t mean you don’t write. If anything you keep writing. You must. Even if it is utter crap, or cathartic meandering as this post is fast becoming. So that the skill is kept honed in. I liken it to those evenings when you think – “Nah I don’t wanna cook”, but you end up doing everything around the cooking process, plating, washing-up, clearing, spending time ordering and thinking of taste combinations, flavouring, what you have in the fridge or cupboard that may go with it. If anything having a cheeky lazy “No cook dinner” evening is anything but de-stressful. Though, maybe that is simply a personal response from someone who admittedly is a bit compulsive or obsessive when it comes to planning.

That’s another thing. So I guess I don’t need to mention. It has been a melancholic weekend right. Not only that it was a bittersweet weekend for me. I had an old friend – my bestie over, I then went out with two of my bestest friends and a bunch of new friends. I attended the cool Though Bubble comic convention with a weekend pass that I will no doubt return to next year in an adjacent city. But well, I guess I haven’t really come to terms with how I am feeling personally or politically. I know there is no compulsion from anyone for me to sort that out. But I feel compelled to do so, for myself.

A crazy road lays ahead. One I know I will stalk individually but not alone. My only hope is that there is more thought, more reflection, more communication than ill-informed actions.

#Peace #Love #Contentment and #Appreciation of Humanity and your loved ones. Also #Hashtag – Coz seriously that is jokes!

( I don’t know why I ended talking like that. I’m afraid my brain is still a bit emotionally frazzled)