Tools of violence

Identity violence

Symbolic violence

Communication violence

Historic violence

Revisionist violence

Repetitive violence

Infantilising violence

Nostalgic violence

Communication violence

Prejudiced violence

Tiring violence

Destructive violence

Sexual violence

Gendered violence

Religious violence

Spiritual violence

Class violence

Linguistic violence

Colourist violence

Male violence

White male violence

Co-opting violence

Toxic violence

Co-opted toxic violence

Ideological violence

Paternalistic violence

Patriarchal violence

Symbolically patriarchal violence

Promotional violence

Just violence

Violence violence

Tiring violence

Too tired coz I’m broken and it’s the result of all the above and more violence

Mental violence

Inferred violence

Implicit violence

Bright-eyed violence

Broken souls violence

The once you had bright eyes but then you got co-opted and are stuck but still need peeps and I get it but don’t you get that I get it, so why you gotta erase the stuff we excavate and stop us entering and flinging open the doors-no revision check, not open the doors break all these fracking symbolic capitalistic colonial walls – so that we can all evolve together and your tired eyes can weep and rejoice in celebration with us all, bold beautiful and brave and bound to the forward March of completing our shared ancestors abolitionist principles and journeys to create a new fair fresh deprogrammed society so we keep being we and us, and you and me, happy and free together… urgh! Gah! For f***! *sigh* but you can’t and that’s violent, violence.

So instead here we stand. Ina pyramid and I keep trying to educate and create and collate and collaborate while we survive and you thrive but I don’t even cry coz I’m proud inside that at least someone who got one part of our ancestral spirit souls good side to the table where it’s all about whose there to dine, and whose outside… not about our fellow people who die and are also pushed towards pipelines to die. Whether quickly or slowly, that’s for us all to see with our eyes.

I’m too tired to speak, so I’ll leave it to that… and sleeps for the night.


Life so far… Returning to the place of my awakening construction

So I have returned to snowy Yorkshire after a rollercoaster 3 1/2 day, 3 night return to London. No matter what is said by people from all walks of life about this place and how many times I leave, or come to the realisation that this place just isn’t for me, right now, for many, many reasons.. I cannot think of anywhere else that I feel more like myself. Rather, where I am more able to be confronted by myself and thus allowed some time to consider life and myself.

A great woman in this city taught me many pearls of wisdom. The ones I keep returning to often are those related to family, friends and religion. After all, like the age-old saying goes, “You can choose your friends but not your family”. I’m just struck by how many times and how many people, well-meaningly may attach themselves to or try to help other people but where does this boundary blur?

Often it is when morals, spirituality, religion or received wisdom is discussed. By our natures, we humans are beings who are constantly learning and trying to evolve, in some way or form. But I think when one is overcome with pride over their own ways of understanding the world they fall quickly into greed. It’s greedy to want more than your two hands, two feets, brain and life allows. We are all given one life (arguably). It is only the two God-given hands and feet, our brain, our heart and understanding of our selves that we can and should have any control over. But when you over-ride another’s life or impinge on it in anyway, your committing a grave ill, sin-like. It’s pride and greed rolled into one. Now don’t mistake me, I am not saying that in this case we should all be individuals well and truly and have no interaction. After all by our natures, and especially mine, we are social beings and collectively attempt to understand and construct life and knowledges around us.

Part of this is the age-old awareness-advice-experimentation-attainment model. Say for example, the issue is not being consistently productive over writing, you first have to become aware of the issue, why it’s happening, what can be done etc. Then you may go to someone to discuss it, or even write/call/text/skype to someone or even to yourself t received or form relevant advice, say for example “Write everyday no matter how big or small. don’t look to always having a finished product or polished argument”. Experiement then ensues, as the phrase suggests, you (or I) try this out.. whether it be the exact advice or a reworking of it and others to fit the lifestyle of the person with the issues. Then hopefully some sense of achievement, overcoming or feeling of attainment is left at the end or during the more fruitful days of experimentation.

But when helpful advice, from a place of caring turns into judgement, competition and over-riding another’s god-given right to process and become who the hell they are meant to. You are intervening on something larger than yourself and it is not your place. Yes a discussion, the start of dialogue is welcome and should always be open, I mean even the Prophet Muhammed (PBUH) invited people to ask questions and try and make sense of any commands or the way life should be lived. Communication and the striving for awareness is key and central to our life’s agenda, is it not? If we did not need others to be sane or live our lives, we would all be borne into islands with no social, cultural or religious constructs. As one wise woman said “Even if the way the religion is done annoys me, I was born into it. God choose to make me one of these people, I can’t turn away completely”.


once, ‘people come and go,

NaBloPoMo #11: An Unconventional Love Story – Part II (working title)

I am Ayesha. I am a Muslim and I am going to blow this stinking joint wide open. 

To use an old turn of phrase, that no kid these days would even know of. Mind you they don’t know crap these days. Not my name, not my background. Not even Muslim. No spirituality. All festering, liberal pseudo-nonsense crap and he’s the cause of it all. 

Look at him. Just look. Look at his just standing there so blatant. Surrounded by those spineless airheads. Smug. Smug, classist, daft, bourgeois bitch! I know he thinks a lot of himself. Hear it day and night. He thinks he runs this place, these people, this house, community, nation even. But he doesn’t run his own shits. Racist, anglophile, neo-liberal fascist, closet royalist! 

He may not do much. But he definitely gets points in the blame department for what he’s done. What he did. What he keeps doing. All this festering mess is all his fault. This neo-globe of ours, this nation, this crap. This same old shit with a new stinking frigging bow tied around it. This revolution gone wrong. Our revolution gone wrong… and now they’re all gone. The ghosts of them all thought they’re still here. Keeping me strong. 

It’s all his fault. It’s him I’m going to start with, right. Him to start and finish this wreck. 

Luckily we’ll be alone again soon. To end it like it was begun huh. Like that phrase Tim came up with, “Endings Hasten New Beginnings” – I was so sure he stole it from The Mummy movie franchise. We must’ve been stoned and watching the box when we came up with that one.


She’s staring intently again, at me. If only I could shout for help. Must smile though old chap. Oh she sure was precious when she tries. Is. You can just hear those rusted tiny cogs whirring away up in there. No doubt planning the sleeping arrangements for this gorgeous soiree. Lucky also that Status and diplotasks have kept us separate, I wouldn’t mind exercising some beast of duty tonight. I’m sure she’ll get some soft feeling “love” of her own kind tonight. She used to be so ravenous and insatiable. I guess tastes move on and connections falter. Would be fun again to know what she’s learnt while I’ve been busy away working, building and re-building. Those unhinged emotions whizzing around were just a spectacular sight.

Fuck I’m horny.

Gosh. Just thinking. Think. I have that. She’s bloody beautiful. The ideological brown goddess, the dream within a dream and I get to be it’s commander. It’s chief, sorry co-chief. New equality as always. Precious discourse for our future.

G-d I’m beginning to use the terms and slogans in my head now as well. I need a blaze and a fuck. I guess I’ll get that soon… When I’m with the slut that saved the revolution. My slut.

It will also be a shame to lose her. To end it all. But I’m sure the future will be brighter and fun for all of us.

Oh these twats are circling again. Great! Now the Goons/Keystones/Facilitators have all spotted me. The perks of being the big cheese I suppose. ARGH!

I can’t wait until we’re along again. I’m alone. Just me. Well her and me and them, but not them.. It’s going to be a wildly cleansing time. Gosh this isn’t the time for it. Must wrap up this party with some fireworks and end of eve shmoozing.


What am I doing? Why am I here? What will she say? Why did he make me come? Commanded even. Surely he should know. It isn’t, well wasn’t like her to keep secrets. Well at least with me, I guess.  Am I.. We’re we.. dare I say it special? That sounds so naff. That’s what she would say if she could only hear you now. 

I wonder what she’ll be wearing. If her scent will be natural or some posh pong for this diplomatic party rubbish. 

Oh this is crazy. Why do I have so many questions? Why am I questioning myself. Paralysed I need to just do. I wasn’t like this. Not even before. With her. This isn’t, wasn’t, me. Or was it? Maybe I shifted this part of me for her to worry with?

Fuck it. It’s now or never. Final hour. 

****** END SCENE ******

I know and understand that this is fast becoming a collection of introductions in my head. But for now I like the sense of crafting the perfect introduction, or else it could even be an entire collection of texts simply about the one meeting. Even many meetings, happen simultaneously, similarly, on different affective and emotive registers?

I also wanted to share that I unexpectedly came across a book called “The 38 Most Common Fiction Writing Mistakes (And how to avoid them)” by Jack M. Bickham. Unexpected as it was in the old Brotherton library at University that I never bother going to, far more intriguing it was left on the self-scanning machine that I went to use. Strange and serendipitous. 


MDX LGBT Society Talk About their Film Awareness Video

Sometimes the best events come from the simplest of ideas.

Ahead of the North London Literary festival, Middlesex students are hard at work at many creative endeavours.  Though we hunger for news on the highly anticipated app, other creative committees and students are conducting their events earlier in more public forums. 

On the 1st of February, a few intrepid equality and liberation activists or in other-words Middlesex University’s LGBT Society (MDX LGBT) banded together to create a Campaign Video.

I, the secretary of MDX LGBT, caught up with the President and Treasurer to find out more about why and how the video was created as well as their future aspirations for the Middlesex Society.

I am joined by Peter Dillon, 20, the President of MDX LGBT and Tom Stock, 26, the Treasurer of MDX LGBT, who share their views and journey on leaving a lasting legacy.

Pete: It all started as a simple idea, for a simple video black-and-white nothing too fancy – shot on campus to show everyone we’re here. The video kind of spiralled from there..

Mariam: How do you mean “spiralled”? And exactly when did the initial idea come about?

Tom: We’ve always talked about creating a video, as I study film and Pete studies music it seemed natural to create a video piece. The only major roadblock (other than the Loans department) was time commitments and getting people on board. I guess we finally started thinking seriously about the video in November or maybe early December. Basically we had a few quite challenging events on campus, which we don’t want to get into here as they are being resolved, but that kinda sealed the deal.

Pete: Yep, that sums it up really. “challenging events” more like they were all a labour of Hercules, or rather other’s thought they were a labour of Hercules when the events were anything but. But oh well, we decided in January to really kick off this project and have a video ready to show at Impact Week in early February. To really show the student population that we’re here, we’re all different, proud and don’t care about labels. Oh, and the fact the impact week and our enthusiasm for a video tied in with February being the National LGBT Awareness Month was fantastic. A stroke of serendipity.

Tom: Don’t say the tag-line!

Mariam: So how were you both feeling while filming? Did it go well, how many people turned up?

Tom & Pete: You should know..

Pete: (smiling cheekily) ..You’re the secretary you really should keep count or we’ll have to find someone else.

Tom: (also smiling cheekily) …Really Maz, you’re like a dental hygienist..

(Pete and I look at him incredulous)

Tom: (picking up on the confusion).. You know because they count teeth but the saying is all like they’re blonde and stuff..

Mariam: Ok going back to some questions, Tom, you were the director, editor, co-producer and all-round creative director of the film right? How did it feel as a Middlesex University student to shoot this piece on campus?

Tom: It felt absolutely amazing! I’ve been so busy with the academic side of things and I was so daunted by editing but I have to say I am more than pleasantly surprised at how easy it was. Don’t get me wrong there were lots of things that could and did go wrong, but the actual LGBT video? Well it’s a BEAST OF A FILM!

Pete: He worked like a maniac on a tight schedule but he was the best director I’ve seen. On the Friday, while we were filming he was all over the camera doing all the technical things while I worked with our lovely volunteers on the post-production side of things. Welcoming them, introducing or re-introducing them to the concept and getting them to fill in the props we would need. It was a long, long day but well worth it.

Mariam: You mentioned things going wrong.. care to expand on the problems you faced?

Tom: Well, firstly we were unsure if we could use the Grove Atrium, but bearing in mind our event was going to be held there, we decided to go ahead with the filming. It was a perfect outcome really, we made sure we started mid-afternoon so we didn’t disrupt classes or so that the noise from the Costa didn’t drown us out. Second huge problem was the fact that the 7-d camera we got in the end didn’t take SD. So we (well you Maz) had to run down to the Media Loans Department to buy that big wide card.. that was really close to closing time wasn’t it?

Mariam: Yeah it was a close call, I got there at 4.30pm and it shut at 5pm. Plus they didn’t take card so I literally ran to the Forum to draw out £30. All the guys in the arts shops downstairs found it hilarious.. I did too! But please continue. Pete, what problems did you face?

Pete: Well the biggest one was getting everyone organised with almost no working marker pens, when the only place to get pens on campus was the Spar shop and it had run out of stock. Then it was all about keeping the volunteers happy, entertained and put in one place. But other than that it was so great to meet new people, new faces and share interesting conversations and debates.

Mariam: So we’ve covered the how and when, and skimmed over a few reasons. But Why exactly did you decide as a society to create an awareness video?

Pete: Well, any LGBT society is all about awareness and what better way to do it than through the Visual Arts?

Tom: Plus we’re all in our third-year and so we wanted to leave a piece of us behind so to speak. As the chief committee members we’ve been worried about whether or not our society (the rumoured 5th attempt at a LGBT society at Middlesex University) will continue to be a part of the MUSU, the Middlesex University Students Union, or campus life in general. So this video is a legacy to leave behind with MUSU so that they can say there was a successful LGBT society who actively tried to engage with students about homophobia and other issues that surround the LGBT Community.

Pete: We’ve really tried hard this year to be more active as a LGBT society. In a way it’s been great that we are all on one campus, although I do miss the daffodils at Trent Park. Being on one campus has made me realise all student societies, not just LGBT have to be active in voicing their thoughts, opinions and concerns. And our biggest concern has been reaching out to other students, letting them know about our existence and how welcoming and un-exclusive we are.

Tom: Un-exclusive? Do you mean because we let Maz in?

Pete: No, lol, well yes. What I mean is how we may be the LGBT society but we’re not just here for LGBT people and issues. LGBT is all about non-homosexuals or non-queers too, when stonewall riots happened trans people were at the front and all people from all walks of life stood with them and that’s what we hope to show.

Tom: As the director my biggest worry was that the video wouldn’t reflect the aim. The aim being to show a whole array or people, or different identities and sexual identifications so that when we wrote “We don’t care” we meant we don’t care whether X is Gay, Y is Straight, Z is a Drag Queen. We care about people and building an inclusive and warm community at Middlesex University.

So there we have it folks, stay tuned for an upload of the final awareness video Post Production. But to keep you happy here are some teasers from behind the scenes:

Editors note:

Tom Stock will be publishing the Video under his production company titles ‘A Means Red Productions

MDX LGBT would like to let any readers know that if you are affected by this story or would like to get involved then please email them at:

Or Follow them on Twitter: @mdxlgbt

All Video: © A Mean Reds Production

All Photographs: © Peter Dillon.

Written by: Mariam Kauser

Studying: BA Hons Journalism, Media and Cultural Studies. Third Year.